Mother-N-Law advice - HELP?

She's great, really she is however sometimes she's just too generous. If my hubby goes there to pick up something he needs, he always comes back with a bag full of groceries, stuff for my house etc...Example I told her on the phone ';i'm going to the store to get a new autumn flag'; (the ones outside of your porch) well the next day she comes over with three of them! I really do appreciate the gesture but sometimes i just wanna be like ';i'll buy my own stuff thanks'; you know what i mean? Please don't think i'm an ungratful b**ch, i'm not like that at all. I just need some opinions on how someone else would deal with her...Mother-N-Law advice - HELP?
I went through the same thing with a boyfriends mother...these people answering your question saying things like ';can i have your mother in law'; and ';you should be grateful'; obviously don't know what it's like. First of all you told us all that YOU ARE GRATEFUL and do appriciate what she does so those people are idiots and obviously cant read. Secondly I would email her telling her thank you for what she bought but you were thinking of something different and next time to invite you along when she goes out so you can pick up things together. She sounds lovely and so do you so I'm sure you both will work it out together.Mother-N-Law advice - HELP?
My ex m-n-l was generous...she did the grocery thing, she did the gifts and when her and I were alone together she got out her other face, put it on and wore it large.


There isn't anything you can or should do for the grocery issue it's mostly a harmless mom thing. When she over buys, the flag thing, remind her you only have one porch and what should WE do with the other two.


Be grateful she doesn't have that other face.
just tell her that u dont want her to spend all of her $$$ on u and u hubby...
It's a parent thing. I did not know about this until my girls went to college. We (parents) want to do anything we can for our kids. You will miss it when she's gone. Let her enjoy the giving. It is one of her pleasures in life. Don't spoil it for her.
This is normal for you to feel. It's hard to figure the balance. Some in here say that their mil won't do anything, others that their mil does too much.





I'd say, the best thing to do is be as thankful as you can, and let it go as long as she isn't dictating your life. That's a different story. But, if she brings 3 flags, stick one up and be thankful. At least, do that when she comes over!





Good luck to you!
my mother in-law is a *****. She never does anything like that. I guess it's a lot different when you are on the other side of the fence. Take the stuff and that's it....she's no competition and you know it. Shes just trying to be nice. There is no way to work around this...if you do something about it...then it will create conflict. Only have your husband speak on your behalf when needed. Shes not hurting you, in my opinion, she actually sees you as a daughter. Good Luck.
push her down the stairs
she sounds a bit like me !! oops ! what my kids do is.......when I buy the item(s) first....... they buy me a gift with the money they would have spent -it's a nice surprise
She must really love you or she wouldn't want to help.If she can afford it let her do it.It will make her happy and cause less trouble than trying to stop her.If you want to buy it yourself don't tell her what you need.Most people would love to have in-laws like yours.She won't live forever so when she is gone you will have all the great memories.Good luck.
i REALLY DON'T THINK THAT SHE FEELS SHE IS APPRECIATED ENOUGH. OR MAYBE SHE'S JUST LONELY. IF AT ALL POSSIBLE, TRY SPENDING MORE TIME WITH HER, AND LISTEN CAREFULLY. WHEN SHE SAYS SHE'S GONNA GET SOMETHING, YOU GO GET IT FIRST AND GIVE IT TO HER. COULD NOT HURT!
Try asking her to go with you shopping sometimes? Maybe then she will lay off a bit and you can pick out your own stuff!!
i really understand what you mean...


my mother in law was like that,,,,,, we had to see a therapist...


what it turned out to be had nothing to do with me.... it was her need to still provide for her son..... and if she would have bought him those three autumn flags it would have made him feel less adequate....... but its the need for her to provide.....


it's complicated i know but please just try to realize that it's really between her and her son........
Wow, that actually sounds like a great problem to have--just thinking how much fun she is going to having spoiling the grandkids!





You will just have to graciously accept her generosity as best you can, and don't tell her too many details about your errands if you don't want any extra surprises. Try to figure out what her motivation is--does she think you guys need the help? Is hubby too much of a mama's boy %26amp; this involvement going to spill over boundary lines in other areas? Does she think you are materialistic and into ';stuff';?





Go out of your way to brag on something your husband (and you) did or got all by yourself and talk about how proud it made you feel to be self-sufficient. If she hears that you value this accomplishment, maybe she will recognize your need for independence and back off a bit? If there is a time where you feel she has really crossed the line, and your husband can't or won't say anything to her, you might have to say something like, ';That was so sweet of you to offer us a (fill in the blank), but he and I were really looking forward to picking out and purchasing that ourselves--it means a lot to us to do this on our own!'; Of course, that wouldn't work for piddly stuff, just big stuff.





You might also try to work on your image if you think she thinks you are all about money and she is trying to help her husband provide for you in the custom to which she thinks you expect. This might especially be true if you come from a wealthier family than he does--she might be actually trying to compete. If you think this is the case, downplay material things. Do NOT make a big deal over expensive purchases you/he have made or that your parents have given you.





Hope that helps, and if that's the worst thing you can say about your M-I-L, you are truly blessed!
awww, that is sweet of her. however i know how you feel. next time she does it, be like oh (whatever her name is ) thats so sweet but i already went out and got it. thanks for the thought tho';


if that dosent work....see if your hubby can talk to her.


good luck
Swap you your mother in law for mine any day!!
Does she want to adopt me?
I'm sorry but I don't really see a problem. She is very generous and wants to be liked. Give her a break and be thankful.
SOUNDS LIKE MY MOTHER IN LAW. BUT I REALLY APPRECIATE ALL SHE DOES FOR OUR FAMILY. I THINK SHE DOES THIS CUZ SHE KNOWS THAT WE DON'T HAVE A WHOLE LOT OF EXTRA MONEY.. I AM SOO GRATEFUL FOR HER..
At least she is not crazy like mine. Mine was trying to steal my children's affections for her own to feel better about herself...and I think she is psychotic. Your lucky
You sound exactly like my mom and my grandma! She is the exact same way. My mom doesnt say nothing because she doesnt want to hurt her feelings either. But maybe when you go shopping you can invite her to go. Maybe then you wont get so much stuff and she still has Little say LOL. My mom started doing that. She also stopped telling her what she needed. Good luck. And you really are lucky. =]
Talk to her... Let her know that you are very grateful for all the gifts she has given you and ask if in the future you can go with her to buy these things-this way you are not insulting her kindness but you still get what you want. I





f this doesn't help-offer to her that instead of giving you things she gives you her time. Ask her to help you reorganize your pantry or join a community service group. She is probably just bored and this will help take up her time. Good Luck!
It's free stuff! Why are you complaining?





My mother is the exact same way. She buys me stuff no matter where she goes, and I'm married and we both work! She's just trying to help out, and if you say something, you might make her mad. This type of personality will be especially helpful when you have kids and more expenses. When she does stuff like that, just say, oh you didn't have to do that! Or offer to pay her back. But I wouldn't say anything more than that...