What do i need to do? Any advice!! Help!?

My husband had an emotionally affair about a yr and half ago. It lasted only 2 months, the girl was engaged herself and they didnt live in the same state as us, she was just here w/family while her soon to be husband was over seas..It took about 7months before i let him back in my life and now that he is our relationship has gotten so much better then ever before. We treat each soo much better. But i just have a hard time letting it go and i really dont know how long more i can take. We dont ever really bring the subject up, and if we do its only a question i ask. We dont even aurge about it, of course i hurt instead but i keep that to myself. I just dont know, iam so confused! If were good why cant i just see past what he did?, and let me be happy. Weve been married 6yrs and we dont have kids although i do plan to have 1 this yr. He's always been great and i couldnt ask for better, and he understands and is very greatful that i gave another chance. But i need advice.What do i need to do? Any advice!! Help!?
When you seperate yourself from your spouse, you can expect something like this to happen. I would try a little marriage councilling because you beed to deal what you are holding onto on the inside. It is not healthy. Arguing, yelling etc. is an unhealthy way to express yourself also.What do i need to do? Any advice!! Help!?
I'm sorry, but its not cheating if you were separated.





You were together.





You separated.





He saw someone else.





You got back together.





This is all very normal. He doesn't owe you any apology over this. Why exactly are you upset? You dated other people before I imagine, this is no different.
Talk..Talk..Talk You guys need to talk this all out. If you can't do it between the two of you then you need to get some professional help. My first marriage totally failed because we didn't know how to talk to each other. Don't let that happen to you. Don't rush the baby either unless you are sure you guys can handle it!
You were seperated not divorced so moraly what he did was wrong. But you take that chance when seperating, that the other person will get on with their life.


As far as forgiving him... thats on you. If you can not, then maybe you should of never got back together.


Sounds to me like everything else is great, why dont you just give it some time.
Why carry all that hurt around with you? It does you no good. So why hold on to your hurt so tightly. Let it go, just let it go.





When a bad memory comes into your mind, push it out with a good thought. Do it over and over again until the bad memories don't come to mind anymore.





The other woman is gone, long gone. Stop trying to drag her back into your marriage.
Talk about it more openly...if it helps go see a counsellor possibly go together. Burring the feelings never helps.





I agree that if you were separated, then this should be easier to accept. Nonetheless, don't let me or anyone else invalidate your feelings.....seek help to figure out why.





One other thought...consider the 'love bucket' concept (can't remember where i'd read that), but the idea is if the love bucket (emotional needs) aren't being filled by you and his environment, then he find ways for it to be filled....sounds like this might of been the case here.





My really important advise: Having kids makes it worse not better...don't be confused with this one and wait on kids 'til your foundation is rock solid.
DO NOT get pregnant until you are certain your marriage is going to last! If there are still any of these uncertainties running around in your head you MUST NOT get pregnant!
I think you made the right choice by letting him back in your life, only saying this because it sounds like you really care for him. Ok now for my suggestion, ';feelings';, if you continue to hold them in they manifest into something greater and would eventually destroy your relationship. It's called closure, this is what you need. It's your feelings your dealing with, not his. So be honest with yourself and seek closure. This would be accomplished by maybe bringing up the affair and explaining how you feel. Be sure that your feelings are not compromised by your love for him. Another suggestion, write down what bothers you, I mean everything about his affair. Go back through it and make sure this is what your feeling. Then make time for the both of you to sit down and talk about it. Tell him how you feel. Just remember, don't let this go on another day holding these feelings in. Best of luck to you.